How can I help my child survive in a world I have so little control over?
One: Be Yourself
Will I fit in? Will I like my teacher? Will my teacher like me? When you’re feeling stressed about a situation, the best thing to do is “Be yourself.” In the age of social media, we have become obsessed with the image we are presenting and how many “likes” we are getting. The greatest freedom comes from not needing the approval of others, of being your own person. People will respect you more and like you more when you’re not trying to be liked.
Two: Keep on hoping
Every fall, kids buy their new school supplies full of hope that this is going to be the best year ever. They really want this to go well. They are so willing to make it work. Even kids who have not had a great experience of school have this hope. Keep on hoping. Never become cynical. Every year is a new one. Every day is a new one. One day at a time. At the end of a bad day, press the reset button. Go back with a positive attitude.
Three: Accept the things you cannot change
Every parent needs “The Serenity Prayer” and every child should be taught it:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
You might be able to change out of a bad teacher’s classroom, but you can’t change a bad teacher. You can change small things about your child’s school, but the school system will take generations to change.
Change out of bad classrooms if you can. Change out of bad schools if you can. Participate in the life of your local school, and support organizations working for school reform.
If you can’t do any of these things, then bloom where you are planted.
Four: Practice positive self-talk
Change the loop of negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Teach your child to use positive affirmations. These are simple statements that can change a person’s life because they change the way a person looks at life and at themselves. “I am a good person.” “I am capable.” “I am lovable.” “I am going to have a good day.”
Five: Act. Don’t react
Decide to be your own person and have your own attitude. Don’t live your life in reaction to other people. Don’t behave badly just because other people are behaving badly toward you. If you get a bad teacher, don’t let that person bring you down. You are always in control of your own attitude even though the teacher seems to have all the control. Don’t let someone else’s negativity ruin your day. Put up a force field, a firewall, a shield over your heart. Don’t let toxic stuff in. The only person you can control is yourself.
Six: Don’t let others define you
You are not your grades. You are not your report card. School only works on and measures a small part of you. You are much bigger and better than school will ever know because they only see a small part of you. You have value as a person apart from your performance. You are loved and you are lovable. School doesn’t measure that.
Seven: Resilience comes from being loved
No matter how much we screw up, no matter how inconsistent we are, our kids keep on loving us. Where does this ability come from? It comes from a child’s natural resilience. Kids have an incredible ability to bounce back – especially kids who are loved and supported through hard times. When a child is supported through tough times, they are better able to face the next tough time. Experience teaches them that they can handle it and that they are loved unconditionally.
Life is full of “First days.” In fact, every day is a first day.